Thursday, December 24, 2009
Something much stronger than tylenol (wierdly enough, it never works for me). I needed something to dull the pain of the breakup. So i reverted to the only one i knew how to revert to in such situations.
You see, i'd known Him for a while. Growing up in church, it was kinda hard not to. However, we had a kinda pattern going on. Simply put, i called Him when i needed Him. I would run after Him like a dog after a bone.
When i got what i want, i was gone.
So, of course, i cried as i knelt at my bed in the morning, praying for God to take the pain away. Oddly, i think i remember praying not to hate him, because the last thing i needed was to be bitter. The next couple weeks were a blur. February came, and left. Then march came.
A huge week long event happens at my school each spring. I was one of those in charge, so of course i had to attend each event. The final event is a ball/party of sorts. At this event, my friend B came. I had known him for about 3 years, but we had a very wierd relationship. I didn't know much about him, and we only talked when we met at social events. But every time we spoke, we had this amazing chemistry. I remember the semester before he had made my ex mad because he sent me a text asking why my ex followed me everywhere like a dog
Anyway, B came for the party. We had started getting close, and i was glad he came. I was pretty much at his side for most of the night. But then i noticed this girl from another school going after my ex like mosquito to blood. Kinda felt hurt, but i brushed it off.
The following week, i heard they were going out. I can't say it didn't hurt, but what could i do? I knew at the time that i did not want him back, but it was still wierd nevertheless. She came for my friend's bday party with him, and barely left his side. But i never once disliked her or hated her (never really believed in that crap, and i really don't understand why girls do that. I mean, he's the one that hurt you, not the other woman, right? But thats for another post). I just accepted it and moved on.
May came. Semester was over. My plans for internship seemed pretty much sunk, and i was trying to fight panic. What was i going to do for the summer? I didn't want to stay in my small town, that was like suicide. But i didn't want to go and travel and stay with family and not work. So, again, i prayed. And i prayed hard. I realize now that God did not give me a break between my needs ( i jumped right from needing help getting over my ex to need for a summer internship). God is so amazing....He did it so i wouldn't walk away from Him again...My amazing heavenly father...I love Him soo much mehn....
But anyway, back to the story y'all.
School was done. People left town. And Honeywell still did not know what to do with herself. So she prayed harder, and sought God harder. Then the wierd dreams started. Dreams so traumatizing i would literally dread night time because i knew i had to sleep, and i did not want to sleep because of the dreams. My bed felt like a trap. I didn't really have anyone around me, and so i didn't have anyone i could talk to anyone about it. Lord it was hard. But it was only the beginning.....
Tune in to the next post. Sorry if it seems jumbled, its 2.17am and i'm full on honey nut cheerios and my eyes are drooping...
Merry Christmas y'all and Happy Birthday Jesus!! (I hope you get a BIG cake in heaven. :))
Monday, December 14, 2009
He was the first one i can say i had sex with. He is also the first one i was actually in a relationship the longest with. He is also the one i think i came closest to loving (notice i did not say i loved him).
He also was the one that God got me away from.
We met last fall. The chemistry was ridiculous. After a couple months, in a slightly tipsy state, i agreed to date him (after he had asked me 3 different times and i said no).
Shortly after, i went to nigeria. Missed him a lot. Couldn't wait to get back to him. But then, even before i left, we fought. Often. After i came back, we kept fighting. Over silly stuff. At the back of my mind, i knew that it wasn't going to work. I didn't have the strength to leave though. Then i stopped caring about him altogether. Was strange. Didn't really understand my emotions.
Then came the fateful day. I was driving home from the mall, when my bank called me. A pleasant voice on the other end of the line asked me, "Ma'am, did you recently make a donation to an islamic scholarship?"
I am not muslim y'all.
A series of other questions followed. Before i knew it, i was rushing back to school, to my bank. They had closed. The lady was nice enough to print out for me the last couple transactions.
Over $500 was missing from my account.
I was stunned. I called my ex, and went to go and meet him on campus. Sat down in a conference room and cried. He was distant. Seeing as he wasn't going to be any use to me, i wanted to drop him wherever he wanted to go. Went home, and started thinking of how i would deal with the mess. The bank lady had told me that the bank cannot refund me the stolen money, and I would have to call the merchants and beg for my money back.
No one picked my calls.
I was finally told my some lady working for Proactiv that it seems like some orders were made using my back account info to be delivered to an apartment in my apartment complex.
Armed with this information among other things, i headed to the police station. I sat there for over an hour, alone. The station was empty. An impersonal voice through a speaker on the wall informed me intermittently that an officer will be with me soon. Still had not heard from my boyfriend. Other people called to check up on me. Not one word from him.
The officer finally came. He asked me a couple questions. He seemed rather impatient, to tell the truth. It started to look like he thought i was making up the whole story, for whatever reason. He finally asked me to come outside to his car to make a statement. I asked him why we couldn't do it inside, and he responded like i was retarded and asked me again to step outside. As i was about to write a statement, i realized that the whole thing was futile, and he was probably going to trash my statement. So i decided to decline, and i entered my car. I was tired, hungry, and very frustrated. I called my boyfriend. I asked him why he hadn't even bothered to check up on me.
Then he told me he wanted to break up.
I realized shortly after that i wasn't mad at him for breaking up with me. Truth be told, i knew it wouldn't go anywhere. What i had trouble with was the betrayal.
We were friends before we started going out. What kind of a friend abandons their friend in such a time? I felt that even if he wanted to break up with me, he could have at least waited till the next day. I know i know, silly eh? But oh well... i remember, during the recovery phase, God took me to this passage:
"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces."
Matthew chapter 7 vs 6.
I think afterward i was a zombie. Oh, i still had fun, still hung out with friends. But when i went to bed at night......its an experience i never want to go through again.
More on my road to redemption coming soon...
Love y'all! :D
Saturday, December 12, 2009
I'm still here. Still surviving. Still strong.
A lot of things have been happening in my life.
God called me, and i answered..... entered into the most beautiful relationship that man can encounter...literally. Never really understood when people always said "Have an intimate relationship with God"..... till He showed me what that meant.... the One that will never leave you, never forsake you, is always there, always understands, always comforts, always disciplines, always loves regardless of your dumb, stupid, selfish decisions... y'all, i can boast about Him all day....but those of you that know Him know what i mean...
Went through a wonderful and hellish summer at the same thing (isn't it wonderful how God can make a seemingly unbearable situation one of the most exciting times in your life). A trying semester. New friendships, a lot of growing up, amongst other things. Had my ex boyfriend that broke up with me in January confess he never got over me.....dealt with the temptation to go back to him, and finally moved on.... because i realized that i can never truly be happy knowing that i am doing something that my Father does not want me to do, and it'll only end up hurting me.....
There is a lot of gist, and a lot of stories... really hard to blog in the middle of the semester because of work and all (plus not having internet in my house kinda has something to do with it). I kinda miss blogsville though, and i miss telling stories and sharing opinions.... Maybe i might start that again. Maybe. Who knows these things? :)
But i want to tell the most important story of all: the story about how i met God (not face to face, before y'all get creeped out)..
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Now imagine an 18 wheeler beside you. Its early morning, sun is just coming up. The
shadow of the 18 wheeler is completely over you.
Which would you rather be hit by; the 18 wheeler, or the shadow of the 18 wheeler?
Realise that God allowed the 18 wheeler to hit Jesus, so that the shadow (which can't
hurt) hit you.
I look at my God
At how big and holy He is,
And I catch this cold feeling
My bones dry up.
But I remember the Love of Christ
And His love infuses into my body and makes new bones and tissues.
And I realise that
With all my sin
It is a blessing I enter His temple and not get struck to death.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
I get to this traffic light, still engrossed in the conversation with a guy on the phone. Then, all of a sudden, i hear loud voice bellow:
"HEY, AM I GETTING ANY TONIGHT?"
It was in that instant i knew i was tush, cuz i felt mortified. The word "mortified" probably passed through my brain at the time. I was seriously horrified, felt dirty even. I look to my right, for the source of the hideousness
*moves head to the right*
and there is IT is: the epitome of ghettoness looking at me from the car on my right. He was leaned out so far, half his body was out of the window.
Meanwhile, my brain went into crisis mode and produced a reaction.
Thats what i did. Said "no" like a child who was told something by his tired and aggravated dad, and is trying to convince himself that it is a lie but is not quite sure of himself.
But it didn't end there.
The guy speaks again:
"CAN I GET YOUR NUMBER SO *OAHDOBL"
*Thats what what he said sounded like. There's nothing like black ghetto southern accent to make you doubt your command of the english language. They always talk like they have ice in their mouth*
There i sat, in the car, feeling angry yet disgusted. The light was still red. My instinct was then to shout. However, these days, you don't know who is carrying a gun. So i held my tongue and rolled up the passenger side window. He said some more things, but i couldn't hear.
Right when i was worried that the guy might do something stupid e.g come out of his car in the middle of the road or something, the light changed. I quickly sped off, while the guy made his right turn and went his way.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Ok, so i'm in this new town, and i mentioned in a previous post that i had met a guy here (can't remember what i called him in a previous post, and i'm too lazy to check, so i''ll call him Big boy, or BB. I think i called him "big" something before. whatever sha). Me and BB have been chilling pretty much errday (my cousin thinks the dude likes me). I was beginning to feel uncomfortable with all his attention, so one bright sunny afternoon, i asked him if he was this nice to all his friends. He asked me why. I simply told him how its typical for naija guys to shower all this attention and time and gas and money on a girl if they liked the girl, and that i am not looking for such right now (to be honest, i'm not sure what i want anymore. i think a guy whom i like and who likes me sounds perfect). The conversation was kinda long, and i knew i made him uncomfortable, but i wanted to put my cards on the table, so he knows that if he chooses to continue doing all this stuff for me, he shouldn't be doing it in expectation of some reward.
Anyhoo, so i was chilling the other day at home with my cousin, and decided i needed some excitement (boredom can make you do strange things. Not that i was even bored, i was with BB, but i decided i wanted some drama. lol). So i remember this dude i've seen a couple times, who plays the piano and guitar. Seems to have a certain swagger i like, plus he has this pair of glasses that make him look hot! (dont know when i started liking guys with glasses. or chubby guys. but thats another issue). So i describe the guy to a female friend, and she says that there are two guys that fit my exact description. After much discussion, she decides that i must be talking about Mr. White (MW from now on). She tells me she'll call him and let me know wassup.
I woke up yday to see a missed call and a txt from a number i don't know. Then, i recieve a txt from my friend, telling me that the dude agreed, and she has given him my number. I'm excited, (which makes me feel shameful, dont know why). I dettered from answering his text: i had to find out what my friend had told him, so i know what foot to put forward (You know we guys like to plan). So i am looking forward to night time, when i'm home (after hanging out with BB), to do my thing (dont try me oh, i have game!). But i was about to be surprised.
So BB and i went to the aquarium (i'd never been to one before). Was fun. After we were done, we were in the car, trying to figure out what to do next. I found a way to bring MW into the convo (not hard, seeing as i had been thinking about him). I described MW, the guy i wanted to, BB, while pretending i was asking because of a friend . To my surprise, i found out the guy i admired, MW, was not the guy whom my friend had hooked me up with!!! my goodness! to say i was flabbergasted was an understatement. Turns out the person who now has my number, who i had been looking forward to talking to when i got home, was someone i didn't even know.
So as soon as i got home, i went on fb, and checked BB's friend list. I come across a guy whose name was similar to MW's name, and noted he wasn't my type. I am furiously scanning, looking for the name of this mystery guy, the dude who had my number. Seeing as people change their names on fb (like from "chukwuka madueke" to "Chuck iknowwhatyoulike Madden"), I was getting frustrated, cuz i figured that was why i couldn't find this mystery guy. I txt BB and ask him what the real name of my mystery guy was, last name and all. I went back on facebook and checked again, only to see IT WAS THE GUY WHOM I FIRMLY MARKED IN MY MIND AS NOT BEING MY TYPE.
Wierdly enough, i had asked God if i should ask my friend to hook me up with this guy. God said no. I went ahead and asked my friend, and now i have my friend upset with me cuz apparently this dude, who isn't my type, called her and was complaining that he has tried reaching me and i'm not responding. Meanwhile, the one i want is still at large. I thought i learned by now that God had a sense of humor. I guess not. I still love HIM though. :).
Ideal equation: Honeywell + MW
Real equation: Honeywell + Not My Type Guy + Annoyed friend.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
But i did feel like i got an epiphany to a question that i didn't even know i was asking this afternoon, a question i know some of us struggle with, or have wondered about at one point in time or the other.
Ever wondered what happened to the people in the old testament? You know, who didn't have a chance to meet or even hear about Jesus and therefore get saved that way? Well, read 1 Peter chapter 3 vs 18-20.
In my bible (which is actually for kids, but whatever!), it reads:
"....He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit, through whom also he went and preached to the spirits in prison who disobeyed long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built...."
All i can say is, since God ministers to us differently based on where we are in life, i can only pray that the Lord minister to you better than he did to me concerning this question. AMEN.
PS: COME ALL YE, COME ONE AND ALL! And read my previous post. Women, please don't be upset with me, but we need the truth y'all!
PPS: I wonder how old y'all think i am. *giggles*
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Time: 1.23am, central time.
Was roaming on blogsville while i let him attempt to solve some questions, and i decided to drop a note.
For one thing, UNWRITTEN IS BACK!
Ok, thats enough about her :)
I actually want to comment on something. Something i was told about 2 months ago that really changed the way i thought about a lot of things.
Have you ever thought about why its hard to be a single mother? I mean, really thought about it?
There are many reasons why some would say its hard:
1. There's only one income coming in
2. Raising kids is hellish
3. And on and on the list goes.
But do you know why its hard for a single mother, even if money wasn't an issue?
Its because we women were never designed to be heads of the household.
And when you aren't created to do something, logic dictates thats it generally harder to do it.
What do i mean exactly? Well, the bible says we women should submit to our husbands. I know, i know, right there i can feel all the independent women in the house raising hell. Calm down. I was once part of your group, and so i can feel you indignation. Just hear me out.
In the world we live in today, the "Independent woman" is celebrated. Who is she? The woman who is a top exec, has her own car, own house, and all that shebang. You know? She has her stuff together, at least to the eyes of the world. But haven't you noticed how unhappy those women usually are? I kid you not, if you read up the autobiography of accomplished, single/multiple divorced women, they all sing the same sad tune at the end of the day.
Why is that?
Its because they weren't created to be all that. Now, am i saying its wrong to have all those things? No. Not at all. As long as your priorities are straight.
Submitting to your husband does NOT mean you become his doormat. It simply means his word goes. Thats all. And if you know how to use your womanly power, it simply means what you want gets done, even though "his word" goes. :)
But lemme get back to the original matter at hand. Women were created to be taken care of, and the men to be the caretakers. Food for thought: its generally easier for women to give their lives to Christ than men. Why? Because God promises to take care of our needs. Women like to be taken care of. Do the math.
On the other side of the coin, why don't we ever hear about single dads? Cuz its not like they aren't out there. They are. When we do hear about them, however, we generally (and i stress generally) hear about how nice it would be for the children to have a mother figure, but thats about it. The children are generally well taken care of. Why? because men were created to be heads of the house.
My fellow women, this was a bitter pill for me to swallow. But i have learnt, at my young age, thats God's will must be done, regardless. So its either you get with the program, or get frustrated. Try to rule over your husband, and he'll most likely make you unhappy, or leave. Try to do the single woman thing, and the pleasure lasts, but only for a moment.
Why? Cuz you weren't cut out for alla dat.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Anyhow people, how is everybody? bored at work, so decided to come on here. Its been t wo weeks *sniff*
- First off, everybody, start thanking God oh. at least 2 people i know (i think there's a third person) lost their father over the last 2 WEEKS. So while life might not be as comfortable and as plush as you like, at least you are still alive. You can go to the bathroom bvy yourself. Don't think thats a blessing? Imagine if everytime you needed to pee, you had to wait till someone could come and take you. And if no one was home? Oh well, you wait till they get back. If your bladder couldn't triumph over the pressure, then you are left sitting in a mess, with your relatives coming back to look at you with disgust. Now, does it sound more like a blessing? Thought so. You might not be dining at the best restaurants, or driving the best cars, but the Lord who loves you more than you can know is preserving you. Don't make Him leave before you realise how good He is to you oh!!!
- Y'all. have you seen the video they released today of michael jackson's hair on fire? My my, it was kinda creepy, to me anyway, especially after they showed the bald spot left behind. Check out msn.com for the link, and let me know what you think.
- Now, i am going to say something that will probably upset the Obama die hards, so be warned (i'll try to tread lightly though): I am somewhat worried about the way in which people blindly follow him because of something he represents to them. Now, i am not saying he is a bad man, and I for one am happy that a black man is now president, but at the same time, i think i should sound a note of warning-> don't be so quick to jump on the bandwagon with a man you know nothing about. Seriously. I am not bashing him, but i must say that while i was never for mccain, i wasn't for Obama either. He just seemed to be the better of 2 not-so-hot decisions at the time (not that i voted anyway). And thats just my humble opinion. I'm not saying he will not do great things or anything like that, but, like i said, if your sole reason for following a man is simple because of what he represents to you, then you might want to sit down and take a good think. If you can, by yourself, dredge of good, sound, logical reasons why you follow him e.g his policies and stances you agree with, then good. If not, Hmm.
-On to personal issues. Something kinda wierd (at least to me anyway) happened recently (and yes, this is a man issue). I was talking to a friend, whom i'll call dealer, that i met through a mutual friend, and i not-so-jokingly asked her to help me network aka meet new men. Not for relationship, i must state now, but simply to have more friends. Why men, you ask? Well, i must say, for me personally, men are a lot easier to get to know than women, who might either jealous you and hence not talk to you, or stick to their own so tightly that you're even scared to smile at them (reminds me of a post i read recently somewhere in blogsville about how naija people at gatherings tend to form extra tight circles that are hard to break and are ridiculous, quite honestly).
Anyhoo, earlier that day, before talking to my friend, i went to help set up for an event at a church where i didn't really know anyone at all. Was the first to arrive on the scene (yay me!). Later, a guy came, and then after that, a girl. Both were suprisingly sweet and open (for naija peeps anyway). Then this third person came along, whom i'll call big boss. In contrast to the other 2, big boss simply gave me a look and walked away. Found that quite strange, especially in light of the other 2 people.
Event started and ended. Was fun. I had burnt a naija cd for the event (which eventually wasn't played because of time), and was asked by a gentleman if he could keep the cd, to which i agreed. Then Sunday came along. Church time! I must confess, i love to seat right at the 2nd or 3rd row, with all the big women with their geles and stuff. Anyway, its offering time (blessing time!), and we have to dance to the front and drop our offerings. Dancing back to my seat was a slow process (you know all those women who will do the 2 step and cupid shuffle before they go back to their seat), so i am left dancing in the row where my seat is, trying to get to my seat. I look to my left randomly, and low and behold, there was big boss, right beside me! Felt kinda wierd. I honestly didn't want to say hi, but there was no where else to go because of the slow procession. So i simply squared my face forward and danced to my seat.
At sometime after 9pm, dealer randomly calls me, and starts outlining what intially sounded like a business deal. I am left confused, and so i asked her to repeat herself. She proceeds to tell me how her phone got broken, and so she couldn't go through her phone list to figure out who would be perfect for me. But for whatever reason, she couldn't get this face out of her head, even though she and the person weren't close (she didn't have his number even). So, she calls a cousin of her's, amd gets the dude's number. So i'm sitting there thinking, wow, this dude must be something, if she doesn't know him and yet can't get his face out of her head. So i eagerly ask who the person is. She clearly states:
Details later (hopefully).
Have a splendid weekend!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
For those who have not heard the gist about South Carolina Governor, i've got your back. Here's the low down...
So about 2 weeks ago (i think), the governor went missing. Seriously. It was all over the news that he went missing, and neither his wife nor his office people knew where he was.
Later on, his office released a statement saying that the governor is not missing, but went hiking on the Appalachian trail (some random trail that goes through the bush to new york).
On that same day (i think), rumors started spreading that the governor went hiking NUDE.
Following that report (i believe it was a day or two later), it was reported that the governor was not hiking the Appalachian trail as his office said, but was actually in Argentina. According to CNN, the governor decided to take off 2 weeks to clear his head (i kid you not, thats what they said).
Upon his return, questions were raised as to whether the governor could be faulted for any wrong doing, but seeing as he apparently took the leave with his own money, it was not big deal. It was later reported that he used part of the government's money ($8000) but he said he would refund the state.
At a press conference called for the governor, what was to be a forum to explain his trip turned out to be a confessional, as the governor got to the podium, looking very sad (like he had something weighing on his shoulders) and stated solemnly that he actually went to argentina to see the woman he has been cheating on his wife with. Apparently this has been going on for a while.
Now, this evening, CNN is reporting that the emails sent back and forth between the governor and his mistress have been released. All over the internet are videos of people reading the long, romantic letters they sent back and forth to one another. Some had him telling her how he liked her tan line, amongst other things.
But this is the kicker: Apparently the governor can be convicted because under South Carolina law, any man or woman found to have committed adultery or fornication can recieve a fineof up to $500 and a maximum of 1 year in jail. I do have to dampen your enthusiasm by remarking that CNN reported that the last person to be sentenced according to this law was in 1909.
So, in summary, if you dey South Carolina, and aggro dey catch you, hol' am oh, if you no wan go jail! :)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
PS: Gist to come later... i've started writing it, but haven't got round to finishing it yet. Please pardon any spelling errors in this. I chose to write in yellow, for whatever reason, and i can barely see what i am typing
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Regarding my last post, i do get those moods sometimes, yes. Feels wierd to me because, if you knew me, you'd never suspect... just goes to show huh? But thanks to all who came and comforted me.... may God never leave you alone in your time of need.... amen. Special thanks to unwritten...sometimes, the best thing an ear needs to hear is that it has a twin :).
Anyway, on to random news (y'all know how i do)...
1. Apparently, there was some high school kid who appeared before court for mutilating 14 cats. Go figure. The thing is, i heard (from CNN oh, this is not amebo gist) that the judge decided that the kid is not a danger to himself or his community, and so they let him go. Funny enough, the reporter commented that the people in the neighbourhood are scared of him
Now here's my thing: I am pretty sure (and all those of great knowledge, please confirm/correct me on this one) that it has been proven that children who are cruel to animals usually grow up to be serial killers. Now when i mean cruel, i don't mean you leave your house without kissing your beloved pet goodbye, or you forget the poor little "champion" (as we nigerians like to name our dogs), but you do really random ish, like, for example, mutilate the animal. Now, lets consider that word, mutilate. In plain naija speak, you chopped the thing to pieces. Dont get me wrong, i am not an animal lover (dont like cats, dogs, fish, whatever), so i am not here on some save the animals campaign. But i would say it takes a pretty strong person to mutilate a cat, not to talk of 19 cats, which is what the guy did. Oh well, at least when the next serial killer is on the lose, we know where to look.
2. I mentioned i was working right? Yup, i am doing research. And no, i am not particularly interested in it (as a matter of fact, i always hated lab classes). Just shows what you do to achieve your dream....btw, as this my job, on the first day, as part of orientation, a rat was put on my body. Yes. I said it. PUT ON MY BODY. I lie not. Yes, i was horrified. Had to stand there and let the thing run down my body. Why, you ask? Cuz the director wanted us to get over our fear of the disgusting things. Did i mention this was on the first day?
3. Who in blogsville is attending naija reunion this year? And if anyone has attended in past years, please enlighten me...how was your experience? Cuz i am not about to spend $70 on some party extravaganza when malls still exist.....scheww...
4. More news will come later. Its 1.01pm. In 9 minutes, i have to go collect rat urine, anasthaesize 4 rats (yes, i cannot spell that word), collect their blood, kidney and heart, and do some other random ish. Sorry for disgusting you, i guess i should've put a disclaimer at the beginning huh? :)
Bye Lovelies, more news soon!
Friday, June 12, 2009
Something that nobody knows, something that i don't understand
Something i feel ashamed for feeling.
Don't know why.
Wierdly, it goes against my very nature.
I have been told i am a very likeable person. A very loveable person.
But i have always found it hard to hold on to friends for a long period of time
Do i have friends? SURE.
But do i have many close friends? i don't think so...
And this is where the feeling ashamed comes in
I feel God has given me sooooooo much..... that i really shouldn't be feeling this way...almost like i'm ungrateful
But i cannot deny that the feeling is there....
Where does this feeling stem from? I dunno....
Maybe its a trend i started noticing when i came to this country
I make friends
We become close
Then we drift
For no apparent reason
Has happened to me 3 times now...
And i cant say it doesn't hurt
It hurts because by nature, i am a friendly person
I love being surrounded by friends
So why does this happen? I don't know
Here i sit
On a couch
On a friday evening
Wanting to go out and do something
Not just sit here
But, at this point, i find myself at a place that i never thought i would be
A place i always feared
I find myself at home
With no where to go.
PS: After writing this, and signing my name, before i posted this, i realised something. I pray to God for many things.......protection, provision, and other things.... but i realised i have been proud. I have kept this burden to myself all these years, thinking it was something God would be upset about, or feel like i was complaining....but who am I to assume such things? So, finally, with a tear rolling down my cheek, i let it out, and handed it over to God....and instead of being angry, like i thought, He was very compassionate and understanding.....
Monday, April 6, 2009
I am here today to share with you the story of a friend of mine, a story i still find hilarious till this day.
*Disclaimer*: some part of this gist may appear hapharzardly because i am too tired to remember the story in order. I apologise.
Ok, so here it goes. I need to give y'all some background though.
In this city, there are 2 sets of cliques. One clique comprised of A, B and C. The other clique comprised of D, E and F. This story was told to me by D. A, B and C and cool with D, E and F, but the relationship is wierd as can be (at least from my viewpoint). A, B and C, i hate to say, don't have the best of personalities. They are those type of catty girls you see on tv, the type that will criticize every outfit you wear, would see you wearing something and tell you to your face they rock it better, will gossip and mock you behind your back, you know? We all have met such people in one form or the other. But i do have to say, these ones stand out to me.
But on with the gist.
So, B's birthday was coming up. Keep in mind during this story that the real tight friends are D, E and F. Anyway, D recieves a phone call from C, and see starts of by plainly telling her "Look, B's birthday is on tuesday. I am buying...., A is getting her ...., you are getting the card and balloons (and something else i can't remember). E is getting the teddy bear 9some brand name) and F is getting the ice cream cake". After this, order (cause there was no "please can you get this for her" in that conversation), D was like "oookk".
Anyway, D was majorly broke. like only $5 left in checking account broke. So after finding out that all the things portioned to her to buy for B were waay out of her means, she called C and told her that she cannot get the things, that she'll get the balloons for her, and the card. C, got all catty and upset, calling her pretty much a pauper (but in a "joking" tone, of course), and then tells her that A was already going to come and pick her up, so she should behave herself. So D called A, and told her what was going on, that she can't afford to buy the gifts, and A hissed and laughed and hung up.
Then came tuesday. D was already annoyed at this point. The plan was for them to go to B's house that evening to wish her happy birthday and stuff. D told E and F that she was not going, but they placated her and told her to come along. Meanwhile, some days before, E told C that she checked out the price of the teddy bear, and it costs $45, and she cannot afford to buy that right now. F had gotten the cake. D, E, and F, drove to the mall to get the card that D was specifically told to get. The card cost $10, so D said she wouldn't buy it, that instead she would get the balloons. After calling A, (or C), and telling them that she could not get the card, they insulted her (don't remember what they said then).
Anyway, when they got to B's house, they sang happy birthday and she cut the cake. When D told B happy birthday, B was like 'you sef" in a malicious way, and A was like "is it not this one, don't mind her."
After they left, D was raving mad. A then started calling D, and D didn't pick up. A then left her a voice message, saying that D was a stupid, poor B****, and how can she be so selfish after all what B has done for her (and till this day, i have no clue what B has supposedly done for D), and how she is disgusting, and blah blah blah. She also sent txts to D, talking about how she should pick up the phone, how she'll slap D, and so on.
Strange things we human beings do sometimes
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Pardon my absence, as i said before, thats the consequence of not having internet in your house.
got annoyed with my roomie yday. why,. you ask? well, because she bought a new microwave. no, its not jealousy thats worrying me. The thing is, i feel disrespected.
Ever since we moved into that apartment, she uses only HER stuff... you know, only her own pots, only her own storage bowls, etc... i mean i use mine and hers, but i always wondered kini big deal.. abi are my things not worthy to be used or something? i don't know. anyway, on to the microwave story.
Came back home a couple days ago to see a used black microwave on my countertop. so i'm thinking, "ok, what the heck, what is this doing here?". and so it sat there for days, no explanation as to why there is suddenly another microwave in the house. Plus it was just dumped out of order,blocking off space, and so after waiting for days for the owner to properly set it up and they didn't i annoyingly did.
Which now brings me to yesterday. i was at school when i randomly recieved a txt
"hey, do you still want your microwave?"
and i'm thinking 'what kind of stupid question is that?'
So i replied, saying "yup"
and she replied "ok, i thought so."
And i'm there looking at my phone like ???????
So i get home yesterday night, and lo and behold , the microwave has been plugged in. So i'm thinking ok, was my microwave never good enough for you, and now that your bf has finally gotten you one from somewhere, you are relieved you no longer have to use mine? and i say this because she has always been irked that the microwave has the turntable missing (was broken before i moved in with her).
I dunno.. I'm probably just overreacting..... on the other hand, why in the world do we need 2 MICROWAVES??????
Hopefully, when school calms down, i can gist y'all about my new man (well, not really my man, i don't like labels remember?), my ex (yeah, the last guy i posted about is my ex), some old flames who have randomly popped back into my life, and the story about a friend of mine who was thoroughly insulted because she did not buy some chick ballooons for her birthday.
Crazy times, i tell you.
Monday, February 9, 2009
BTW, if i tag you to this, better do it or else! :P
Where's ur cell phone?
Right beside me, as always :0)
Where's ur significant other?
Don't have one as of right now... but working on it ;). Btw, let me use this opportunity to thank all those who lovingly left me advice on my last post... may God bless you.... i'm definitely over that chapter of my life, and i am currently working on the next one. Hopefully the gist about the new guy will come soon.....
Your hair colour?
Brown, suprisingly... and i mean i slightly light shade of brown, and no, its not due to l'oreal expression or anything like that.... just randomly woke up one day and noticed my hair was really brown.... i hypothesize thats its due to the large variety of brand name hair relaxers used on me wwhile growing up... but its all good..
Is God sent.....don't know what i'd do if i didn't have her... may God bless her in everyway possible...
Is my father, and i love him and i am grateful to God for his presence..
Your favorite things:
Of the top of my head: my mother (yes, i am placing her here, even though she is not a thing! but lemme stick to the rules now), my home, my phone, my clothes!
Your dream last night?
Didn't have one
Your dream goal?
Becoming a doctor and becoming the woman God ordained me to be...
The room you're in?
The school library! U forget say i no get internet for my house! And lets not even go there...
Dancing!!!!! ABSOLUTE LOVE OF MINE! Swimming used to be one of my hobbies, but when consciousness about my hair set in, swimming was out....
where u wanna be in six years?
Wherever God wants me to be... after all, i can dream and dream, but God's dreams are always waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay grander and a lot better, so i decided to roll with His dreams for me.... since His ways are waaaaaaaaaaay higher than mine, whatever i plan will be like sand compared to his marvelous will for me.... you dig?
Where were you last night?
My house, making peppersoup and indomie at the same time...
What you're not?
One of your wish list items:
To become a doctor!
Where you grew up?
Last thing you did?
Pop some lame candy called love hearts in my mouth... mehn i'm hungry....
What are you wearing?
White slippers, dark jeans, brown tshirt and Khaki jacket with silver earrings
HAVE NONE! And i am still trying to get a gun to shoot the stray cats around my house.
Is a toshiba and its extremely slow.... don't know what to do... i've tried everything from cleaning the registry to freeing up about 14G space to clearing spyware and such....
Is a blessing from God that shows when you dream, God brings it forth, and does beyond what you could ever dream or imagine...
Something you're not wearing?
Don't have one, to be honest... different stores cater to my different needs....
Had a blast in MD!
God (as you can tell by now), myself (sometimes a bit too much, i think). and my mother.
Your favorite colour?
Always changes! I gbadu the people who have the committment power to stick to one!
Last time you laughed?
Yesterday, my friend came over while i was cooking and was displaying her madness as usual..
Last time you cried?
Maybe a week or 2 ago... wasn't like a flood or anything.. one or two drops...
Are you a bitch?
First of all, i really hate that word. However, to be honest, i have been told i have such tendencies... but let me stress that I REALLY HATE THAT WORD!
Chilling with good friends...
Hater or lover:
Depends on what you mean... do i hate on people? no.... do i love a lot of people? no.... so you see, whoever made this needs to be clearer!
Genuine or fake:
Lets be real here... i can be both. And don't look at the screen like that! I can give you a simple example to show that the same applies to you: the last time you went to buy coffee/gum/groceries/insert purchase here, and the cashier asked how you where doing and you smiled and said good and the person struck up conversation with you and you pretended to be listening with all smiles.... get my drift?
hmm....lemme think about that..
Pro life or wire hanger:
I'm not answering this question, cuz its complicated...
Mccain or Obama:
Pro-plastic or natural:
Natural all the way oh! In my opinion, most women that have plastic surgery usually end up looking wierder than they did when they first had it....especially if its on the face...
How many times will i say this? TO BE A DOCTOR!
Omo this thing took longer than i expected... ok i tag solomosydelle, naijadramaqueen,bumight,charizard, and last but definitely not least, the love of my life, Uniwritten!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
And very different from any other guy i had met or was interested in in everyway
We became friends first, the lovers
Only time knows when that line was crossed
From feelings of care to feelings of love
Oh i fought long and hard
I had been through a lot the last year
But you hung in there
And after 4 months, i Finally gave in.
We were dating.
Then things started going south
Sure, we had always had fights
But they were becoming more frequent
And hurt a lot more
You couldn't handle when i did something wrong
I couldn't handle you when you got all mean and angry when i did something wrong
Almost broke up twice
But i guess back then what held us together was stronger than what pulled us apart.
And so we fought just before i left the country
And made up
Everyday i would talk to you over facebook while i was away
I would call just to hear your voice
Everyone i knew was so suprised because all i could talk about was you
That never happened to me before.
Then i came back
So anxious to see you
So anxious to be with you
But was i in for a suprise
Couldn't explain it if it killed me
Just didn't do the things you used to i guess
Less tolerant too.
We fought 2 days after i got back
A fight that tore my heart
We made up kinda, but you decided that we needed to take a break in order for US to work
I was so against it
I knew it was the beginning of the end
And i couldn't understand why a guy that supposedly had so much love for me couldn't handle the simple things that happen in relationships
Or am i wrong? Are we the only couple that fight?
Anyway, after much ado, i agreed to your scheme
We were on a break
But then you kept acting like we were together
And it was confusing me
Cuz in my world, if you are on a break, you are single
Then i started feeling neglected
Work, friends, everything was taking you away from me
And so i broke down and sent you some ugly texts
And the next day, after my ordeal with the police, you tell me that you can't do it anymore
You tell me that you have finally accepted that it won't work
I try to talk sense into you
Why break up over a text?
But you were adamant
I remember the conversation.....
"My gut instinct right now is telling me to just forget about the whole thing and let it go"
"Do that then!"
And so it ended.
Been almost a week
Was fine the day after
And a couple days after that
Then you start sending me mixed signals again
You poke my waist at a meeting
You purposely bump into me at a friend's house
Both gestures i ignored
You sent me text messages to find out what was going on with the police
And to find out how i was doing
Why do you care?
After all, you're the one that said you couldn't do it anymore.
So what's the problem?
Then i decide to ask you how you are doing
And you don't respond
Its getting me annoyed
YOU don't need to check up on me and see how i'm doing
I'm just fine
You don't need to act like you care outta guilt
Thats cool too
But i'm through playing games with you
Its hurting me.
I can't even be friends with you right now
Because i don't trust you
I don't understand how something so good could go so sour so fast
I don't understand how someone that claims to love me the way you do could treat me like this
All over A TEXT MESSAGE