Thursday, December 24, 2009

Step 2: Painkillers anyone?

Thats precisely what i wanted at the time. Painkillers.

Something much stronger than tylenol (wierdly enough, it never works for me). I needed something to dull the pain of the breakup. So i reverted to the only one i knew how to revert to in such situations.


You see, i'd known Him for a while. Growing up in church, it was kinda hard not to. However, we had a kinda pattern going on. Simply put, i called Him when i needed Him. I would run after Him like a dog after a bone.

When i got what i want, i was gone.

So, of course, i cried as i knelt at my bed in the morning, praying for God to take the pain away. Oddly, i think i remember praying not to hate him, because the last thing i needed was to be bitter. The next couple weeks were a blur. February came, and left. Then march came.

A huge week long event happens at my school each spring. I was one of those in charge, so of course i had to attend each event. The final event is a ball/party of sorts. At this event, my friend B came. I had known him for about 3 years, but we had a very wierd relationship. I didn't know much about him, and we only talked when we met at social events. But every time we spoke, we had this amazing chemistry. I remember the semester before he had made my ex mad because he sent me a text asking why my ex followed me everywhere like a dog


Anyway, B came for the party. We had started getting close, and i was glad he came. I was pretty much at his side for most of the night. But then i noticed this girl from another school going after my ex like mosquito to blood. Kinda felt hurt, but i brushed it off.

The following week, i heard they were going out. I can't say it didn't hurt, but what could i do? I knew at the time that i did not want him back, but it was still wierd nevertheless. She came for my friend's bday party with him, and barely left his side. But i never once disliked her or hated her (never really believed in that crap, and i really don't understand why girls do that. I mean, he's the one that hurt you, not the other woman, right? But thats for another post). I just accepted it and moved on.

May came. Semester was over. My plans for internship seemed pretty much sunk, and i was trying to fight panic. What was i going to do for the summer? I didn't want to stay in my small town, that was like suicide. But i didn't want to go and travel and stay with family and not work. So, again, i prayed. And i prayed hard. I realize now that God did not give me a break between my needs ( i jumped right from needing help getting over my ex to need for a summer internship). God is so amazing....He did it so i wouldn't walk away from Him again...My amazing heavenly father...I love Him soo much mehn....

But anyway, back to the story y'all.

School was done. People left town. And Honeywell still did not know what to do with herself. So she prayed harder, and sought God harder. Then the wierd dreams started. Dreams so traumatizing i would literally dread night time because i knew i had to sleep, and i did not want to sleep because of the dreams. My bed felt like a trap. I didn't really have anyone around me, and so i didn't have anyone i could talk to anyone about it. Lord it was hard. But it was only the beginning.....

Tune in to the next post. Sorry if it seems jumbled, its 2.17am and i'm full on honey nut cheerios and my eyes are drooping...

Merry Christmas y'all and Happy Birthday Jesus!! (I hope you get a BIG cake in heaven. :))



uNWrItten* said...

awwwww are u ok??...omg....i miss u are so not worth it...please believe i will kick someone's ass if i have to...

LusciousRon said...

Merry xmas. Hope you are better today.

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OMG I get into excitement when reading this. hey i know how you felt about that ex. It's the best to forgive him :)
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